Pay with Your Finger (published 9-3-2006)

After having joined half the county in hauling off trash yesterday morning, the Appalachian Irishman’s truck was down to an eighth a tank. Fortunately, someone named “Current Resident,” who must have lived at our address once, had received in the mail a scratch off $2.00 discount coupon from the benevolent people at Shell.

Well, that tank of gas cost the equivalent of $2.417 per gallon, instead of the posted $2.599, a whopping 7% savings! With the joyous fumes of gas discount wafting in my head, my fractured toe and I hobbled into the store to pay.

While making the transaction, I noticed a “Pay with Your Finger” advertisement. “What is this?” I asked the a bit too bubbly clerk. She explained that Shell has formulated an optional, for now, plan, by which you pay for purchases by inserting your index finger in a scanner.

Your index finger? Why didn’t Shell require the middle finger? Imagine the commercial, explaining the process! “Just fold your hand into a fist, then extend your middle finger vertically and insert it into the scanner.”

Let’s give Shell the finger by not giving it our finger! Mark it. This will bring out the beast, if Shell tries to make this plan mandatory!