I’M STILL ALIVE—WHY? (published 8/26/2016)

I almost died! I could have died. Should I have died? Why am I still alive?

The almost three-year silence is now broken. I write on this website again to whoever may read it. Life the last two plus years has been mundane: work, chores, hiking, family and friends, eating, sleeping, and so forth. Life was okay, if not wonderful. I lost interest in writing. Life was going through the motions.

My life, however, changed on Tuesday, March 29, 2016. My old 1995 Nissan pickup and I were on the way home from the office. An 18-year-old, uninsured driver decided that I didn’t deserve the right of way. She hit us. My old truck died. I almost did. I was hospitalized in two hospitals for thirty-six days. I am still unable to return to work. My improvement is to the point that I am slowly going insane, having not much to do and being confined to home. So, now I write.

Today, by the way, would have been Granny and Papaw Wood’s anniversary! They were married in 1931. How I miss them and many others, who have gone on to a better place.

Why am I not in that better place with them? Why did I not die on March 29th? As the Russians say well, “Только Бог знает!” I still can’t work, drive, walk well, hike, do yard work, check on and work at the homeplace, and such. I’m still here for my long-suffering and loving bride. Our thirtieth wedding anniversary was spent at home, with me still unable to walk. I’m still around for brothers, some closer than others. If, however, I can’t yet do the things that I need to do or do the things that bring me joy (e.g., hiking, working at the homeplace, and so forth), then why did I not die when my old truck did?

The above Russian phrase is “only God knows.” God only knows why I am still alive. He has decided not to tell me why. I was once an earthen vessel, in whom He had placed the glorious gospel message. I found joy and purpose in serving Him in full-time ministry and missionary work. Life, however, changed when Mom went to see Jesus, after her yearlong illness and suffering. The “fire in my bones” was extinguished. I didn’t extinguish it. God did. For almost 16 years now, I have been going through the motions of living, with my ministry purpose taken from me.

“So, God, howdy. I’m still here! Since I’m still alive, could you not open a door of complete physical healing and another door of opportunity to serve you, as I once did before you took Mom home? I await your reply and/or action—as I have been doing since 2000, I do now still.”