My Brief Humor on Briefs, in “Dagwood” Winter: Are You Ready for the Final Resurrection? (published 3-15-2023; article #395)

Introduction

Greetings, dear reader! Dagwood is a comic strip, which I enjoyed reading as a child. Around these parts, we're in dogwood or redwood winter, whichever, as both are in bloom. Yesterday, for example, the low was about 30^○ Fahrenheit (F), and the high was about 42^○F. This morning, the low was a balmy 20^○F. In humor, I call this “Dagwood” winter, just to see how folks respond.

If you're interested in all these little winters in Tennessee, a good article is "Blackberry Winter & Other Tennessee Little Winters," Tennessee Historical Society, by Ann Toplovich, 4/23/2019. The article explains the traditions behind all the little winters.

Reading the following article, however, is highly suggested: "The Legend Of The Dogwood," Blind Pig & the Acorn, by Tipper, 4/23/2010. Tipper explains the legend of the dogwood tree. Her website is the first listing in the Appalachian Heritage section of this website for a good reason. I visit there every few days to read for a while. She has fresh articles about Appalachian heritage almost every day.

As my ninety-eighth article on humor, this one will be “brief.” The conclusion, however, will return to the legend of the dogwood. May this article inspire both laughter and reflection. After having published my sixth article on Christian Evidences yesterday, I need a little humor!

“Brief” Humor

On Thursday, 2/16/2023, I had to break down and order new underwear (or “briefs,” as some folks call them). I bought them online at Kohl's. No, I didn't need new underwear, due to my Valentine's Day “roto-rooter,” as mentioned in the 2/15/2023 article. The local Kohl's, which I'd visited on 1/27/2023, did not have my size and style of underwear in stock. It's the “new normal” of “supply chain” problems in this new Socialist Utopian Oblivion, but I digress.

If I had been able to buy them in the store, I could have noticed the difference. Online, I ordered the following. The red font indicates my mistake.

Two packs of men's white, size 32, Jockey 4-pack Classic Low-Rise Briefs, $47.20. That's $5.90 for one pair of underwear, if you're calculating. A dollar isn't worth much in “these inflationary times.” One pair of underwear should cost only about $2.50 or $3.00.

One “Minecraft Mini Mining Figure Set” on clearance for $1.99. The regular price was $7.99 for a little toy made in China. Amazing!

The before sales tax total was $49.19. I had to buy that little toy to get “free” shipping. The order, before sales tax, had to be over $49.00. I was nineteen cents over!

The following is a photograph, which I took of the “Minecraft Mini Mining Figure Set.” The little toy is placed proudly on my home office desk. It reminds me of the humor in the “new normal.”

You ask, “What was my mistake?” I should have purchased men's white, size 32, Jockey 4-pack “Classic” underwear, without that “Low-Rise” stuff added. You ask, “What's the difference?”

The following photograph that I took doesn't show the difference, except in the name. The “Classic Brief” is an old pair. The “Classic Low Rise” is a new pair. Both are made in Cambodia, not in the USSA (Ununited Socialist States of America). By the way, when did the USSA become a bilingual nation, like Canada?

The difference is that the “Low-Rise” is about an inch narrower at the waist and about an inch lower in height, despite both being size 32. I can wear the new ones. I've been a size 32 waist, since I stopped growing. The “Low-Rise” are comfortable enough, despite being a size smaller, as I suspect. I prefer the fit of the “Classic” actual size 32!

So, what have I been doing? I've been looking at various online shopping websites to see if the “Classic” fit underwear is actually in stock in a real brick-and-mortar store. Of course, I've had no luck. Eventually, I plan to either find the “Classic” fit in a store, which would be a “muricle,” or pay very close attention to the high-dollar “Classic” fit underwear that I buy online again. I won't make the same mistake twice!

Conclusion

The dogwood tree legend is that the tree was once as large as an oak tree. A dogwood tree, due to its size, was used to make the cross, on which Jesus was crucified. The tree regretted its size and use to make that cross. Since then, the dogwood tree has grown smaller, as it is today, with blossoms in the form of a cross. Of course, this is legend. It's a nice legend. The legend, of course, is not true.

The historical fact of the crucifixion of Jesus, however, is reported by the inspired writers, Matthew (27:32-44), Mark (15:22-32), Luke (23:33-43), and John (19:17-24). The reading of the Gospel accounts, in the context of the Last Supper during Passover, Jesus' death, His resurrection, and His ascension, is recommended.

This “brief” humor in “Dagwood” winter ends. St. Patrick's Day is approaching in two days. Also approaching are Good Friday, on April 7th, and Resurrection Sunday (or Easter), on April 9th.

I am ready for the final resurrection. Are you, dear reader? This “brief” article concludes with the apostle Paul's inspired words about the final resurrection to the first-century church at Thessalonica:

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet-call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore, encourage one another with these words. (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, NIV)