Could Smokin' in an Outhouse Cause a Fire? (published 9-27-2024; article #492)

The dilapidated two-seater outhouse is still on House Mountain, near where the fire tower once was. Photograph by M. Fearghail on 12/31/2013, during his 100th hike on House Mountain. The hike and the photograph are included in the 1/1/2014 article.

Introduction

Why do inspirations for new articles often come to me while showering? This article is one example.

Early last Sunday morning, while taking a shower, one of the three radios in my bathroom played Mötley Crüe's cover of the original Brownsville Station song, “Smokin' in the Boys' Room.” Brownsville Station debuted the song in 1973, “Smokin' in the Boys' Room,” Brownsville Station—Topic (YouTube), 3/6/2015. In 1985, Mötley Crüe covered the song, “Mötley Crüe—Smokin' In The Boys' Room,” Mötley Crüe (YouTube), 11/12/2010. I like both versions. Back in high school (1974–1978), a visit to the boys' room frequently brought the aroma of cigarette smoke to my nostrils. Smokers typically tossed cigarette butts out the glazed windows. The grass below the windows could look like a light dusting of snow had fallen.

Singing along in the shower, I started to improvise a parody, “Smokin' in the Outhouse.” The complete parody is still a work in progress. I began to wonder. Has anyone ever set fire to an outhouse by smoking, while “sittin' thar thinkin'” on a wooden toilet seat?

This 116th article in the humor topic section finds the answer to that question. Switching genre, not gender, the article becomes the 72nd entry in the poly-ticks topic section. The conclusion flushes the false notion of gender fluidity down the toilet.

Smokin' in an Outhouse Could Cause a Fire!

Have you, dear reader, heard that someone caught an outhouse on fire by smoking in it? Please comment if you have! I haven't caught wind of it happening in northeast Tennessee.

Searching online, I found a couple of news items, which confirm that it has happened! Smoking in an outhouse could catch it on fire! The first news story is “No smoking in the outhouse, please,” United Press International (UPI), 7/14/2004.

As the article states, just over 20 years ago, a man in Blacksville, Monongalia County, West Virginia, lit up a smoke while “sittin' thar thinkin'” in an outhouse. With no pun intended, that sparked an explosion of methane gas.

Singed with only minor injuries, the “em-barr-assed” (slight pun intended) man was treated at a local clinic, and then treated and released from a local hospital. The article probably states Blacksburg, Tennessee, in error, since there is no town with that name in Tennessee.

The other news is from “Outhouse Catches on Fire,” Capper’s Farmer, by Staff, 3/27/2013. The setting could have been several decades ago. This apparently true story was about someone's father. He knocked smoldering tobacco ashes from his pipe down the outhouse toilet hole. The outhouse caught fire and burned to the ground! Thankfully, the pipe smoker wasn't inside. He had already finished his business and gone to the barn.

The lyrics to the parody “Smokin' in the Outhouse” are still in the works. Please comment if you would like to suggest wording! The parody could catch fire!

Outhouse Inspection: You Must Be Joking?

While searching online for stories about smoking in an outhouse causing a fire, I happened to find the International Association of Certified Home Inspectors (InterNACHI) in Boulder, Colorado. Their undated column, “Outhouse Inspection,” InterNACHI, by Nick Gromicko, CMI, explains what an inspector does when inspecting an outhouse! Tips for outhouse owners are also provided.

Unfortunately, the column does not explain when and how to use a Sears and Roebuck catalog or a corncob in the outhouse. As a child in the 1960s, I recall that Granny and Papaw Ferrell kept a few corncobs and a Sears and Roebuck catalog in their outhouse. Several pages were always missing. Thankfully, a few rolls of toilet paper were also readily available. I had a few movements in their two-seater outhouse.

The lyrics to the parody “Smokin' in the Outhouse” are moving along. What wording do you suggest?

What about “Smokin' in the Unisex Room” and Other Parody Titles?

In 1973, when the song debuted, and even in 1985, when the song was covered, politically correct feathers were not ruffled. Why has some politically correct group not protested to ban “Smokin' in the Boys' Room” from playing on classic rock radio stations? “Boys' room” is not inclusive. I hope that this article doesn't give such a group the idea! This once great nation does need any more socialist-fronted protest groups.

In jest, this article proposes that anyone brainwashed by politically correct propaganda should start a protest to change “Smokin' in the Boys' Room” to some other title with matching (pun intended) lyrics. For example, what about the following suggestions: “Smokin' in the Cisgender Room,” “Smokin' in the Gender-Fluid Room,” “Smokin' in the Transgendered Room,” or “Smokin' in the Transsexual Room”?

Folks with terminal degrees after their names do not intimidate me. I admire and respect those, who were educated properly. Others, however, whose terminal degrees influence them to promote unbiblical concepts, are like gnats that should be swatted out an outhouse door!

For example, a doctor of medicine (MD) wrote the following article, and another MD reviewed it: “What Are the 72 Other Genders?” MedicineNet, by Shaziya Allarakha, MD, reviewed by Pallavi Suyog Uttekar, MD, medically reviewed on 2/9/2024. These two “learned” doctors, of course, are mistaken. There are not 72 other genders! Only two, male and female, exist.

Another well-known medical website describes 68 gender identities. The following article was written by a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and another person: “68 Terms That Describe Gender Identity and Expression,” Healthline, by Mere Abrams, LCSW, and Sian Ferguson, reviewed by Francis Kuehnle, MSN, RN-BC, updated 1/26/2024. The reviewer has a Master of Science in Nursing (MSN) and is a Registered Nurse, Board Certified (RN-BC). There are only two genders, not 72 other genders; therefore, there cannot be 68 gender identities.

I happened to find a website that propagates unbiblical notions. It includes the following article: “How Many Genders Are There? 2024 Gender Identity List,” sexualdiversity.org, published 12/7/2022, updated 4/10/2024. Shockingly, the article claims that, in 2024, there are “107 gender identities,” which are “subject to change at any time.” I had to laugh at the illogic of it all!

News media like to cite so-called and often unnamed experts, as in “experts say. . . .” Media often do this without stating the criteria that validate their sources as experts. Parroting falsehoods by citing so-called experts should be ignored. Experts regularly (slight pun intended) disagree.

The work-in-progress lyrics to the parody “Smokin' in the Outhouse” won't face threats from the politically correct crowd. The title replaces “Boys' Room” with “Outhouse.”

Conclusion

I don't know why inspirations for new articles occasionally pop into my head while showering. They just do. Shampooing my hair may stimulate thought.

Smoking in an outhouse could set the outhouse on fire. I found at least two stories about it happening.

I hope that, years or decades from now, fresh or refreshed minds will reflect on this time, when the false notion that there are more than two genders is propagandized, and realize the utter silliness of this time. The clearly false notion of gender fluidity is flushed down the toilet.

Disclaimer: This article should not be interpreted to mean that I accept or promote smoking cigarettes, tobacco, or any substance. This article does not encourage juvenile delinquency. Furthermore, this article should not be construed as so-called “hate speech” against anyone who accepts the false notion that more than two genders exist. In loving kindness, this article promotes the biblical worldview, which affirms only two genders.